In 2016 Whoopi Goldberg, who has been married three times, made headlines when she discussed the prospect of making another trip down the aisle. In short, there would be none. “Marriage is the square peg and I’m the round hole,” she told The New York Times. “You can’t have a square hole, can you?” She clarified she was open to romantic relationships, just not legal ones. “I can spend as much time with somebody as I want to spend, but I’m not looking to be with somebody forever or live with someone. I don’t want somebody in my house.”
She’s not alone. Over the course of a decade, there’s been a significant decline in marriage, particularly among women. “In 2011, the marriage rate was 16.3% for every 1,000 women aged 15 and older,” explains Dr. Asia Eaton, Ph.D., a professor of psychology at Florida International University. “As of 2021, that’s down to 14.9%.”
The leading reason, Eaton surmises, is shifting cultural norms about the obligation for paperwork. “There has been an increase in cohabitation. Non-traditional relationships have become much more socially acceptable. It has reduced the perceived necessity of marriage.”
Taking it even further, in recent years, there’s been an empowering movement of women proudly choosing to stay single. Reclaiming the spinster narrative, they profess the benefits of taking themselves off the market. When the dating app Bumble attempted to coax them back in with a campaign that included slogans like, “A vow of celibacy is not the answer,” and “Thou shalt not give up on dating to become a nun,” it was met with fierce backlash. Women everywhere erupted over the implication that intentional singledom or abstinence was shameful. The campaign was so widely panned that Bumble not only pulled it but issued a public apology. “We made a mistake,” the company admitted, adding that they support a woman’s “right to fully exercise personal choice.”
Another archetype that’s been dismantled in recent years: the single cat lady. “It’s a stereotype that’s becoming increasingly challenged, especially in pop culture,” notes Eaton. Leading the charge are two of the most successful unmarried women on the planet: Jennifer Aniston and Taylor Swift. When then-vice-presidential nominee J.D. Vance remarked that women with opposing political views were “a bunch of childless cat ladies,” it sparked national outrage. “I truly can’t believe this is coming from a potential VP of the United States,” Aniston, who has 45 million followers, posted on Instagram. Swift, who famously has two cats and 282 million followers, signed her social media endorsement of the Democratic candidature, “Taylor Swift, Childless Cat Lady.” Amid the controversy, Vance quickly walked his comments back, claiming his words had been “misinterpreted.”
Today, being single also no longer means children are off the table. In addition to those raised by unmarried partners, there’s been a rise in single mothers by choice, otherwise known as SMBCs.
On its website, sperm donor agency Cryobank America cites a study showing that between 2004 and 2015, there was a 29% increase in the number of single women using Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART) to conceive through artificial insemination. In 2016, the National Library of Medicine concurred that the population of SMBCs would be growing in the following years, noting they were “generally well-educated women in professional occupations who become mothers in their late 30s or early 40s.” Additionally, they predicted their children would fare better than an unhappy two-parent household, explaining, “One factor that has been found to be related to children’s adjustment problems is conflict between parents.” In the years since, “the prevalence of single mothers in the U.S. has seen a notable increase,” says Eaton. “It’s gone from something like 13 million families headed by single mothers 25 years ago to 15 million now. It reflects broader societal changes, evolving attitudes toward marriage and parenthood and the acceptance of diverse family structures.”
Despite a still-prevalent gender pay gap, women are increasingly in a better position to become household breadwinners.
The organization America Progress, an independent, nonpartisan policy institute, claims that as of 2017, 41% of mothers were sole breadwinners — a statistic that includes both married and unmarried women — while in a two-parent household, an additional 23.2% are joint breadwinners.
Lastly, yet another outdated stereotype is being dismantled by the rise of happy, successful single mothers: the notion that marriage makes a woman complete. In fact, Eaton notes that it’s generally men who tend to be more satisfied in marriage than women. “A lot of that likely has to do with the division of household chores and parenting duties. Historically, men have gotten a better deal out of marriage than women.”
In other words, single women, whether in a relationship or not, are telling men it’s time to clean up after themselves. That is, if they’re even allowed in the house.
The actress Sheryl Lee Ralph also caused a viral sensation when, in a recent interview with People, she revealed that she still enjoys somewhat of a single woman’s lifestyle by living apart from her husband of 20 years, Pennsylvania state Sen. Vincent Hughes. Both are content with the arrangement. “He’s not leaving Philadelphia. I’m not leaving Hollywood,” she said, explaining they discovered the perfect solution early on. “Every two weeks we saw each other, and it has continued to work out well. When I go to see him, I love to see him. When it’s time to leave, ‘Bye-bye. See you soon.’ I’m telling you, life is good.”
Famous Words From Happily Unmarried Women
“My mom said to me, ‘You know sweetheart, one day you should settle down and marry a rich man.’ I said, ‘Mom I am a rich man.’” – Cher
“I’m a single mom, I’m the breadwinner in the house. So there’s a lot of panic that comes with that; the buck stops with me. I have to earn money for them. Having kids is everything — wanting to be a good role model and wanting to produce content that doesn’t embarrass them and makes them proud is another layer to my life and a complication that I welcome.” — Mindy Kaling
“A lasting relationship isn’t about marriage. It’s about compatibility and communication. And you both need to want it to work.” — Goldie Hawn
“I never wanted to get married. I find people are somewhat perplexed by that and also more with women, right? I live my life the way I want to live my life. It’s like I have chosen this life.” — Charlize Theron
“I don’t know what it is; I never wanted to get married. Marriage requires a different way of being in this world. I suggest that both partners live life on [their] own terms.” — Oprah Winfrey
“I don’t need a man to feel whole. In my marriages, I’d lost parts of who I was because I was trying to mold myself into what I thought a man wanted me to be.” — Jane Fonda
“I think that everyone should get married at least once so you can see what a silly, outdated institution it is.” — Madonna