Do you ever find yourself saying “sorry,” only to realize that you had nothing to apologize for? If you’re a woman, you almost certainly have.
According to multiple studies — including one published in Psychological Science — when women and men enact the same behavior, women apologize more frequently. The study suggested that many men simply have a higher threshold for what they consider offensive behavior worth apologizing for, while women are more likely to interpret minor friction as something requiring repair.
Much of this tendency is rooted in anthropology, history and social conditioning, according to Gigi Rosenberg, a public speaking coach based in Portland, Ore., who works in person and online with women in high-level positions, particularly in male-dominated industries.
“From a young age,” she explains, “girls are taught to be accommodating — to be pleasant, agreeable and non-threatening.”
Historically, women who pushed against the status quo were often “punished” in various ways, including being labeled with the dreaded term “difficult.” Rosenberg also notes that women of color frequently feel heightened pressure to be likable to avoid stereotypes that frame them as aggressive or angry.
In professional spaces, women often preemptively apologize as a form of self-protection, says Brianna Paruolo, a licensed clinical mental health counselor and the founder of New York City–based On Par Therapy.
They might say things like, “I’m sorry, this may not be right,” or “This is only an idea, but …,” effectively criticizing themselves before anyone else has the chance to. While the instinct is understandable, Paruolo explains, the long-term consequences can be damaging.
Unnecessary apologies undermine credibility in several ways. They can give the appearance of weakness or insecurity when there is, in fact, nothing to apologize for, Rosenberg says. They may also signal a lack of self-confidence — a critical trait associated with leadership — and leave colleagues with the impression that the person speaking questions their own authority. Over time, this habit can reinforce imposter syndrome, a psychological pattern in which individuals doubt their competence or worthiness. “For women,” Rosenberg notes, “it often becomes an implied apology for their presence.”
Even the most powerful women in the world aren’t immune. Former Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg, author of “Lean In,” admitted in The Atlantic, “There are still days I wake up feeling like a fraud, not sure I should be where I am.” Her candor underscores how deeply ingrained these feelings can be, even at the highest levels of success.
In tech, as in other historically male-dominated industries, successful women like Sandberg are often viewed in a more negative light. The Journal of Applied Psychology has found that women in industries like engineering and finance are more likely to be described as “abrasive and pushy.” Men, on the other hand, were highly praised and considered more “likable.”
The Guardian backed this theory in a 2023 report that cited Nichole Bauer, associate professor in political science at Louisiana State University, who noted that men are much less concerned with being well-liked in the workplace. If a woman displays “typically masculine” leadership traits, they’re viewed as less warm, kind and caring.
In recent years, the phrase “take up space” — loosely defined as being unafraid to be seen and heard — has entered the cultural lexicon. Paruolo says that “the fear of taking up space stems from systematic conditioning.” While something as minor as bumping into someone might elicit an “excuse me” from a man, it is more likely to prompt an “I’m sorry” from a woman — even when no fault exists.
Course correction begins with modeling different behavior for women coworkers, female friends and, importantly, girls.
“A lot of our behavior is learned by watching the women around us,” Paruolo explains. “Daughters are rewarded for being ‘good girls’ by being nice. They’re taught to be non-threatening and well-liked.” This reinforcement can translate into chronic self-minimization in adulthood.
In 2025, The Female Lead published an article citing research that showed 50% of women admit to withholding their honest opinions out of fear of being disliked, while 43% downplay their achievements to make others feel more comfortable. Overall, 56% of women reported prioritizing likability, compared to just 36% of men — numbers that highlight how deeply the desire to be accepted shapes women’s behavior.
There are subtle ways to catch yourself before issuing an unnecessary apology. Awareness is the first step. “You can’t stop yourself if you’re not aware of it,” Rosenberg says. “If you’re on the verge of saying ‘I’m sorry,’ pause and ask yourself, ‘Have I actually done something wrong? Is there something that genuinely warrants an apology?’”
Women are also conditioned to fill silence in conversations, but Rosenberg encourages getting comfortable with letting moments breathe. “See what it’s like to say nothing,” she advises. “If you feel yourself about to dismiss or diminish your contribution, try to withstand the silence instead of apologizing for yourself.”
Both Rosenberg and Paruolo emphasize that confidence doesn’t mean never apologizing — it means doing so with intention. “If you make a mistake, hurt someone’s feelings or do something wrong, then absolutely apologize,” Rosenberg concludes. “That can be empowering. But when apologies become constant, they start to feel performative, lose their impact and ultimately come across as less sincere than intended.”
What Women Can Say Instead of ‘I’m Sorry’
When Sharing An Idea
Instead of: “I know this is dumb.” or “This is just a stupid question.”
Say: “I have an idea.” or “Let me add something.”
The first two phrases are examples of hedging, a defense mechanism to soften potential negative feedback.
When Bumping Into Someone
Instead of: “I’m sorry.”
Say: “Excuse me.”
Accidentally bumping into people isn’t something that warrants an apology. Saying, “excuse me,” on the other hand, implies both parties have equal value and responsibility.
When You Disagree
Instead of: “I’m sorry.”
Say: “I don’t agree.”
If you believe you’re offering the stronger approach, standing behind it is a show of strength.
When Communicating Clearly
Instead of: “Does that make sense?”
Say: “Any questions?”
The former implies you haven’t been clear; the latter presumes the speaker was completely clear, and it’s not their fault if the other person didn’t grasp the concept.
When Stating Your Position
In both written and verbal communication, make your point with a period, not a question mark. Being direct is both professional and appropriate.