In December 2022, the death by suicide of Stephen “tWitch” Boss, the celebrity dancer, choreographer and frequent guest and co-executive producer on “The Ellen DeGeneres Show,” shocked his fans. At 40, he seemingly had it all. In addition to his television career, he and his wife, Allison Holker, had amassed a following of millions by posting joyous dance routines with their blended family of five. His death was not only tragic, it seemed inexplicable.
Unfortunately, it’s not that uncommon. As of 2022, data from the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) shows that only 40% of American men with reported mental illness — like anxiety and depression — received treatment, compared to 52% of women. Yet according to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP), men are four times more likely to take their own lives.
Photo By Malgorzata Babiarz
MICHAEL CEELY
What contributes to the discrepancy? Reasons often include social, cultural — even financial — factors, says psychotherapist Michael Ceely of Men’s Counseling Florida, noting that June is Men’s Mental Health Awareness Month.
“Socially, women tend to collaborate while men tend to isolate more. That’s just the general nature of men and women,” he says.
“Historically, there’s always been pressure on men to be the breadwinners,” Ceely continues. “That’s, of course, been changing over the last 50 years, but generally speaking, men do feel a lot of pressure. Unfortunately, there are direct correlations between the unemployment rate going up and the suicide rate going up.”
Substance abuse often factors into mental health, with men twice as likely to be diagnosed with alcohol abuse. According to a 2010 report from the National Institutes of Health (NIH), alcoholics may be 60 to 120 times more likely to commit suicide, while the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) reports that 22% of all suicides in the United States involve alcohol intoxication.
Another key difference between men and women is that men are more likely to die by suicide — a disparity Ceely attributes to what he calls the “lethality of means.” Men are more inclined to use firearms, which are signficantly more likely to result in death. According to Everytown Research and Policy, a nonprofit organization focused on understanding and reducing gun violence, men account for 87% of firearm suicide deaths.
In cases of suicide deaths involving men perceived as successful — like Boss — Ceely warns that a public persona doesn’t necessarily paint an accurate picture.
“If your job is to smile, then you’ll appear happy. If you’re an athlete, your job is to perform. If you’re an actor, you’ll charm the press,” Ceely explains. “But we don’t know what’s going on in someone’s private life and the pressure to be a public figure is incredibly high, so when we’re stunned, it’s because we didn’t know what was under the veneer and made the assumption that everything was fine.”
On the positive side, there are also high-profile men using their platforms to erase the stigma surrounding mental health. In 2015, Olympic champion Michael Phelps opened up to Sports Illustrated about his own struggles following a 2014 arrest for DUI, which led to a six-month suspension from USA Swimming and disqualification from competing in the 2015 World Championships. Instead, the 28-time Olympic medalist checked into rehab to address, among other issues, anxiety and depression. He then revealed on the “Today” show that he, too, has considered ending his life.
“I was so down on myself, I just didn’t want to be alive,” he admitted. “I was always taught that we weren’t allowed or weren’t supposed to show weakness because, being an athlete, you’re supposed to be strong.”
The Michael Phelps Foundation has since committed to reducing misconceptions around mental health, particularly among children and families. He’s also partnered with the online mental health service Talkspace, which matches users with licensed therapists.
“We live on our phones,” he told “Today.” “How easy is it to hop on and talk to a therapist, get help? This is something that’s just accessible. Being able to open up the conversation about it is something that’s so important.”
In his wake, other athletes and entertainers have come forward about their mental health struggles — including male celebrities such as Terry Bradshaw, Zac Efron, Jim Carrey, Eminem and even Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, who has spoken about having multiple bouts of depression over the years.
“I didn’t know what depression was,” Johnson told “The Pivot” podcast in 2023. “Luckily, I had some friends that I could lean on and say, ‘Hey, I’m feeling a little wobbly now. I got a little struggle happening, seeing a little gray and not the blue.’”
Brad Pitt also opened up in a 2022 conversation with GQ. “I think I spent years with low-grade depression,” he told the outlet. As part of improving his quality of life, he has also spoken about giving up alcohol.
Ceely says the push for public awareness and acceptance is helping more men seek treatment.
“There’s still a gap between men seeking therapy and women seeking therapy. The gap is narrowing, but the disparity is there. It is trending better, though.”
He notes the most common issues men face are anxiety and depression, but by the time they do seek help, their symptoms may have reached a more severe point.
“Men will try to tough it out and wait it out alone. There’s also a statistic about men being less likely to just go to the doctor for physical illnesses. There’s just that resistance.”
How can partners, family or friends encourage someone they know to open up if something seems to be amiss?
“I think the best way to frame it is, instead of therapy, [to] position it more like coaching and finding a solution,” Ceely advises. “Men tend to be more solution-focused and want to reach a solution right away. So talking to a therapist is like talking to a coach — you want to solve a problem.
“If the man is in denial,” Ceely continues, “ask if they can at least commit to three sessions. After that, they don’t have to go. But let them know they have nothing to lose by trying to talk to someone.”
It’s something Boss’ widow encourages. “It really hurts me that Stephen held everything in for as long as he did,” she told People, sharing that she and her children are now in therapy dealing with the aftermath of his death.
“It’s important for me to share the truth to make things easier for someone else,” she says.
Holker hopes her openness can inspire others struggling with mental health challenges to seek help.
“If you just ask for help, someone could help you find the light again.”
Where Men Can Seek Help
Whether you’re seeking one-on-one therapy, group therapy, remote therapy or feeling an urgent need for help, here are several resources:
Men’s Counseling Florida
777 Brickell Ave., Ste. 500
Miami
Phone 305-928-6538
Dude, Breathe Counseling
Sanctuary Suites
4400 N. Federal Highway, Ste. 121
Boca Raton
Phone 754-227-9252
Online: Talkspace
talkspace.com
24-Hour Crisis Line
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
Dial 988