We’ve all heard the saying, “You can’t choose your family, but you can choose your friends.” The right friendships lift us, make us laugh and help us weather life’s storms.
“It’s part of the psychology of wellness to have love and support around you,” says Riana Milne, a licensed mental health counselor based in Boynton Beach. “Friendships are important for a good quality of life. Friends nurture us, and they bring us so much love and happiness.”
Still, not every connection is good for our well-being. Sometimes, a person’s behavior can chip away at your confidence, peace or happiness. When that happens, it may be time to take a closer look.
Here are a few red f lags that could signal a friendship has turned toxic:
They Gossip — A Lot
At first, it might feel flattering that they trust you with others people’s secrets. But pause and consider — how would you feel if they were sharing yours instead?
“You should only share your deepest feelings with someone you trust,” Milne says.
You’ve Become Their Therapist
We all need a shoulder to lean on now and then, but if the friendship has turned into a one-sided therapy session, it’s a problem.
“Everyone has issues and challenges,” Milne says. “If one person is always dumping that on the friendship, that’s not what a friendship should be.”
Being a good friend means caring — but it doesn’t mean taking on their problems as your own. Sometimes, the kindest thing you can do is suggest they talk to a professional.
You Can’t Be Yourself
Do you find yourself censoring what you say or acting differently around them? True friendship allows you to be your authentic self. You shouldn’t have to keep your guard up or pretend to be someone you’re not.
“Friends should love you exactly as you are,” Milne says.
It’s Always One-Sided
If you’re the one who always initiates plans, checks in or lends an ear, the balance is off. A healthy friendship is built on give-and- take, not constant effort from one side.
“A friendship is about being willing to share,” Milne observes. “It’s like an infinity circle — about balanced communication. No one should be running the show.”