You can only talk about the weather for so long before the conversation stalls. Engaging in a meaningful exchange, especially with someone you don’t know well, is a skill that takes practice. Conversation can feel intimidating and awkward at first, but the more you connect, the more confident and skilled you’ll become.
“It’s important to have quality, in-depth conversations,” says John Puls, LCSW, MCAP, who practices in Boca Raton and Fort Lauderdale. “That’s how you build relationships with people. When you keep conversations to a more surface level, it’s difficult to build trust and deep relationships.”
Being vulnerable can be difficult. “We’re losing that ability to have in-person conversations, which build intimate relationships and improve mental health. You’re putting a lot of trust in the individual,” he says. “A risk is associated with that.” You might feel reluctant to have meaningful conversations. However, it’s important to do so. “Many view it as a weakness or something negative. When done correctly, it can be brave and form deeper connections.”
Here are some tips for having a good conversation.
Be Present
In this age of constant distractions, give people your undivided attention. Put your phone down and make eye contact. Focus on the speaker and not what you’re making for dinner.
Listen
Avoid interrupting. “And don’t just listen — respond,” he says. “We’re often focused on what we’re going to say next as opposed to listening to what others are saying.”
Ask Open-Ended Questions
“I joke that it’s a therapist trick,” says Puls. “It’s more than just ‘yes’ or ‘no.’ You’re inviting the person to speak more in-depth.” If discussing school, you might ask, “How has your child’s experience been with the teacher?”
Eliminate Details
A stranger doesn’t need to know your third cousin’s last name. Too many details can be distracting. “Don’t dominate the conversation,” says Puls. “Give the appropriate amount of vulnerability without being irrelevant.”
Pay A Compliment
Praising someone’s professional success, for example, will make them feel comfortable and give you something to talk about. After a compliment, the person may tell a story about their business, which will keep the chat going.
Discuss A Commonality
If you’re at a child’s baseball game, you immediately have common ground. Dig deeper by asking where they’re from or why they chose to live in town. “Any common interest fosters trust and a connection.”