If you’re going through a divorce right now, it may seem as if you’ll never be happy again. The end of a marriage can feel like a death — the loss of a life you imagined. “The future can feel uncertain, risky and unsafe,” says Kristina Fecik, a licensed marriage and family therapist who practices in Fort Lauderdale. “It’s normal to feel afraid of the unknown. You’re adjusting to a major life transition.” Here are a few tips to help you figure out life after divorce.
Step Outside Your Routine
Dust off that pickleball racquet in the garage or take advantage of a free Pilates class coupon. If you don’t enjoy it, then try something else. New activities will fill your day and help shape your new identity. You may discover passions or strengths you never knew existed. “While this time can be unsettling, it can also open the door to growth,” Fecik says.
Reconnect With Yourself
Divorce doesn’t erase who you are. Reflect on the inner qualities that have always been part of you. Recall other challenges you’ve survived, and think about how you got through them. “These same strengths will help you navigate this chapter, too,” Fecik explains.
Build New Connections
You may already have supportive friends and family, but connecting with people who are going through — or who have gone through — divorce may help. Look for an online or in-person support group; you may feel less isolated when you’re with people who can relate to your situation.
Keep Your Children In Mind
“Divorce is especially difficult when children are involved,” Fecik notes. “Manage your own emotions while also trying to be mindful of your children’s feelings.” Communicate with your ex in a civil way, and avoid speaking negatively about them in front of your kids.
Embrace What’s Next
While divorce is painful, it can be a transition, rather than a conclusion. Are there things you’ve always wanted to do but didn’t have time for before? Perhaps this season brings more freedom or space to explore who you are, and, eventually, room for a relationship that better reflects the life you want. Fecik encourages clients to look on the bright side: “This period can become a time of rediscovery.”