In 2019, author Louise Hayes made a life-altering move. Tired of harsh northern winters and having lived between the fast pace of New York City and the quiet of rural Pennsylvania, she found solace in Boca Raton — a serene coastal retreat that became the starting point of her healing.
For much of her life, Hayes, 45, had battled mental health challenges, including anorexia, alcoholism, anxiety and depression. By the time she arrived in South Florida, she understood that this might be her final opportunity to turn her life around.
“My physical health was becoming affected by my alcohol use, I was having thoughts of suicide, I was constantly thinking about ways to get more alcohol and protecting my ability to consume as much as I wanted without others knowing, and I no longer liked the person I saw in the mirror every morning,” she shares.
Seeking a fresh start, she arrived in Boca Raton that April. “Boca Raton saved my life,” Hayes says. “The continuous sunshine was an antidote to my low-lying constant depression, the ocean waves calmed my frayed nerves and anxiety and the vibrant community and entertainment options kept me engaged, inspired and involved.”
As a mother to a now 20- and 16-year-old, Hayes didn’t pause her parenting responsibilities after relocating. But by carving out time for herself, she established a daily beach walk, using that time to reflect and write.
“The quiet of Boca Raton’s beaches, especially at the end of the day, was the perfect setting for me to clear my head and let creativity flow,” she says. “I would set off from Red Reef Park and walk a couple of miles north and back again, typing out with my thumbs while stepping over seaweed and allowing waves to wash over my feet.”
That daily practice eventually became her award-winning book, “Disintegrating Into Adulthood: My journey Through the Abyss of Anorexia and Alcoholism, and How I Walked, and Wrote, Myself Well.”
In her memoir, Hayes candidly shares her struggles, setbacks and what she calls her “somewhat convoluted and atypical path to recovery.” Through that honesty, she hopes to uplift others — particularly women — and inspire belief in the possibility of a healthier life.
When asked about the book title, Hayes explains that early adulthood was a time of chaos and confusion. “Instead of blossoming into a young adult, I crumbled under self-imposed pressure,” she says. “‘Disintegrating Into Adulthood’ seemed to convey exactly how I felt about that period in my life, while leaving the pathway open for ‘reconstruction’ in recent years.”
Hayes is a strong advocate for alternative recovery paths. “I personally didn’t use 12-step programs when I chose to get sober six years ago, and although I think they are a life-saving option for so many, there are other pathways, programs, support groups and techniques available. Find what works for you, advocate for yourself and don’t ever be afraid to ask for help.”
In her case, writing — especially poetry — served as an emotional outlet.
“I found the creation of rhythms and rhymes to be soothing, and making something beautiful, often forged from uncomfortable circumstances, gave me a sense of accomplishment and purpose when the world at large seemed out of control,” she says. “Writing, like recovery, is a slow, organic process that cannot be forced.”
As for her path to healing, Hayes reflects: “There was no one moment, no rock bottom or catastrophe that precipitated my recovery. It was more of a gradual spiral where I knew that if I didn’t catch hold of a metaphorical ledge on my way down that I might never make it back up.”
She adds, “It was not an easy or linear path, but the undeniable fact is that it became a choice between living or dying, and I chose to live.”
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