For Mena Suvari no two days as a mom look exactly alike.
“I feel extremely lucky that my husband is so solid,” the actress says of designer and prop master Michael Hope, whom she married in 2018 before welcoming son Christopher in 2021. “We don’t have a lot of family [in Los Angeles], so to a certain extent, we’re kind of doing it on our own.” Although her work often involves out-of-town travel, the couple decided it’s in Christopher’s best interest to remain home with his dad rather than regularly uproot him. “The questions I always ask myself are, ‘What’s going to cause the least amount of trauma? What’s best for Christopher?’ He’s at the age where he has his little routine and his preschool so Mike and I, we don’t like taking him out of that. We’re a team, we’re a unit, but it really is a day-by-day approach. Everyone’s different and we’re doing it our own way,” she says.
Although their nuclear family is small, Suvari, like many parents, has found a village in virtual support. “I followed the Institute of Child Psychology on Instagram and have learned so much from them. They’re so sweet, they started DMing me and they’re sending me guidebooks. My closest friend lives in France and has two boys. We voice note each other every few days and just vent about motherhood. We joke about turning it into a podcast.”
Having the backup she needs as a mother allows Suvari, 45, to immerse herself in her onscreen roles, like playing the late actress Jane Wyman in the new movie “Reagan,” featuring Dennis Quaid in the titular role as America’s 40th president.
Suvari, who filmed the part during her second trimester, says portraying real-life figures like Wyman, Ronald Reagan’s wife from 1940-1949, is a responsibility she takes seriously. “It’s a huge undertaking playing such a phenomenal woman.”
Starring opposite Quaid was the icing on the cake. “I hate being that person, but I was geeking out. I grew up watching him and have been such a fan. This doesn’t always happen, but it’s awesome when you meet someone you admire and they’re as wonderful as you had hoped. It was the only job I worked on during my pregnancy and I had to travel and I was really nervous at the time, but the whole experience was a win-win.”
In addition to “Reagan,” Suvari has been dabbling in fright movies, recently starring in “All You Need is Blood,” a horror film she cheerfully refers to as a “zom-dram” (as in zombie drama) that’s making the rounds on the festival circuit. She also sank her teeth into “Vampires of the Velvet Lounge,” which features Suvari’s first physical fight scenes. “I had never really done them before, so I felt pretty badass, especially being in my mid-40s. I was like, ‘Yeah, this is fun!’” She’s also set to star opposite Brandon Routh in the alien movie “Ick” directed by Joseph Kahn.
“It feels like now I’m finally seeing the results, the rewards, of fighting for the particular kind of work that I wanted to do,” Suvari explains.
Suvari shot to stardom in 1999 with career-making roles in two similarly named, yet vastly different hit movies. In “American Beauty,” which won the Oscar for Best Picture, she played Angela Hayes, a high school cheerleader who becomes the fixation of Kevin Spacey’s middle-aged married protagonist. The same year, she first played Heather in “American Pie,” the blockbuster teenage comedy franchise that spawned three sequels and reportedly grossed over a billion dollars worldwide. In the years that followed, she appeared in films like “The Musketeer,” “Rumor Has It” and “Factory Girl” and in cable series like “Six Feet Under.”
Behind the scenes, however, it was far from a happy time. In her 2021 memoir “The Great Peace,” Suvari, who was born and raised in Newport, R.I., revealed decades of sexual and emotional abuse that started at age 12.
The effects manifested into toxic relationships with men and drug addiction, even as she became a successful, sought-after actress. “I was living a double life,” she told People. “Every time I would go on a set. Every time I was interviewed, I was acting the whole time. It was another role for me to play.” She was married twice, divorcing her first and second husbands in 2005 and 2012, respectively.
Photo by Manfred Baumann
“I was just trying to survive, so I look back at those career opportunities and realize I wasn’t able to open up and make friends with my co-stars or share the experiences the way I would have wanted to,” she says. “Now, I’m able to be more connected and collaborative, because I can show up and be in the moment with everyone.”
As difficult as it may have been to reopen her wounds publicly, the response to her book has been worth it. “I’m really proud, because there are so many things that have come out of it, the people I’ve met and the projects and the roles … I never would have expected that. So that’s proof that for me — and for everyone out there — that only good things can come from sharing your story. There’s always going to be someone who connects with it and starts to see you in a new way. And it’s really important for me to communicate that because it’s empowering and there are a lot of things we just can’t process on our own.”
Suvari has been equally transparent about postpartum depression. While she hoped for an at-home water birth, she ended up in the hospital for a cesarean section due to prolonged labor. Looking back, she says the disappointment and the physical shock of major surgery set off anxiety that has taken nearly two years to settle. “My body was put into a consistent fight-or-flight state. It wasn’t until year two [that] I even had enough energy to make a self-care routine. A lot of that was lost. It’s still daily work, but through meeting other mothers and connecting through our stories, I’ve been able to understand that’s not just me.”
That routine includes homeopathy, work with holistic practitioners and a mostly vegan lifestyle. “We don’t have a fully vegan household, but fruit and plant-based protein has always been the foundation of our diet, eating high quality and clean. I’d like to have a beautiful garden one day, to be in control of what I’m growing. That’s something I’m working towards.”
For now, life is idyllic enough. After surviving years of trauma and instability, family life with Hope and their son arrived right on time. “I’m grateful the person I had my child with is my husband. My former relationships, I’ve realized, unfolded the way they did because they needed to. I wasn’t ready to have kids. I wasn’t ready in the way that I am now, able to mentally, spiritually and emotionally be there for a child.”
“With motherhood, I got to a place where I said, ‘If this happens, [that is] absolutely wonderful, and if it’s not meant for me, then I’ll figure that out.’ Once I got to that place, that’s when our son came into our lives. There’s only so much you can control, right? So I feel really, really grateful.”
Photo by Manfred Baumann