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Kindness Matters

How Doing Good Can Change Someone’s Day — And Yours

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You'd be surprised at how much good can come from a grocery store, and it has nothing to do with food.

Since it’s a place where we’re often rushed, impatient, dealing with crying children or otherwise harried, even the smallest act of kindness can make a difference. “It’s a great place to turn on your mindfulness,” says Patricia Thomas Shutt, Psy.D., co-founder of Therapeutic Oasis of Palm Beach. “Mindfulness is something you cultivate through practice, so the grocery store is a great way to practice being attuned and aware in the moment. Bringing that sense of presence and awareness, you’ll notice when someone is struggling and can offer a helping hand. It’s unbelievable the responses you’ll get just from letting someone you can tell is stressed go in front of you at the register, smiling at the cashier or offering to help someone who seems overwhelmed return their cart.”

The gratitude of a stranger will likely brighten your day, too. “When you help people, even just by being friendly and saying hi, you become this conduit for joy and happiness,” says Thomas Shutt.

Research backs up the psychological benefits of thoughtfulness. According to a study cited in 2022 by The New York Times, people who gave and received a small gesture of generosity — in this case, sharing a cupcake — rated higher on a happiness scale than those who didn’t.

Similar findings support this, with studies revealing an improvement in mood resulting from small deeds, such as charity donations or gifts to friends.

Thomas Shutt explains that biologically, performing acts of kindness also releases feel-good neuro-brain chemicals, including endorphins, oxytocin and dopamine — all of which contribute to pleasure.

It works the same way for the person receiving the kindness. “Again, there’s a neurochemical release that comes from having a stranger notice them, of making them feel they’re no longer invisible and not alone in that moment.”

During the holidays, an emotionally vulnerable time for many, random acts of kindness can have an even larger impact. Some people are grappling with the added stress of too much to do and the pressure to meet high expectations, while others may be struggling with loneliness and isolation. “When you stop to reach out to someone, even for a tiny moment, that connection lights a spark,” Thomas Shutt explains. When people feel connected, their levels of anxiety and depression lower, while their self-esteem and empathy increase, according to The Center For Compassion and Altruism Research and Education at Stanford University.

It might even be beneficial for your physical health. The Mayo Clinic has reported that, in addition to self-esteem, empathy and compassion, exhibiting kindness can decrease blood pressure and cortisol, a hormone linked to stress and weight gain.

Even acts of kindness done anonymously — where the giver remains unknown and no thanks are expected — can generate feelings of pride, self-satisfaction and contentment. In an international survey of 200,000 adults worldwide published by Scientific American, even those from poorer countries felt better making an anonymous charitable donation rather than keeping the money for themselves.

The study’s lead author, Lara Aknin of Simon Fraser University in British Columbia, believes the instinct to help others dates back to early civilization, saying: “If generosity fostered social connections, then it might have been a really adaptive strategy [of survival].”

Why study kindness at all? It’s important to recognize its impact to fully understand its value and promote more of it. If we underestimate the impact of random kindness, we’re less likely to demonstrate it. “Not knowing one’s positive impact can stand in the way of people engaging in these sorts of acts of kindness in daily life,” Amit Kumar, an assistant professor of marketing and psychology at The University of Texas at Austin, told The New York Times.

The holidays are also an ideal time to teach kids about generosity, especially by helping them recognize the needs of those less fortunate. “It’s a good thing to start explaining early on that everyone comes from different backgrounds and has different needs,” says Samantha Saltz, MD, child, adolescent and adult psychiatrist and namesake of Doctor Sam in Boca Raton. “During the holidays, children can grasp the significance of other kids not having a toy and the benefit of giving away one.

“Do a scavenger hunt across the house and have the kids collect things to give to charity,” Saltz suggests. “It’s a way for the kids to have fun while showing them how to do something for someone else. Eventually, the goal should be teaching them to be charitable throughout the year, but holiday giving is a good way to start encouraging it.”

Locally, Saltz points out, it’s easy to get involved. “In Boca, there are so many organizations — Boca Helping Hands, different religious organizations and foster communities. There are all kinds of ways to show children how to reach out to other people,” she says.

Helping others is also a great way to combat your own holiday blues. “It does a few things,” Thomas Shutt explains.

“When you’re more present and not thinking about the negative things that have happened or may be happening in your life, it opens the possibility of what else is there for you. Second, even in distress, doing something kind for others will help pull you out of your suffering, even for the moment. I always tell clients one way to reduce their distress is to contribute to something or someone else.

“It’s called positive distraction and it works,” notes Saltz.

If being kinder is a resolution you want to strive for, like any other habit, start small and be consistent. Thomas Shutt returns to the grocery store example. “Before you enter, turn on that mindfulness,” she recommends. “You can literally start by just saying hello to people. Be friendly, smile, move graciously out of the way. If you go home and see your neighbor taking out the garbage, walk over and lend a hand. Before long, it will become increasingly natural and you’ll be living in a state of greater kindness.”

At the end of the day, a random act of kindness is bigger than the momentary exchange. Saltz says, “Over time, it leaves you with lasting empathy, a sense of community and a sense of perspective.”