In today’s digital era, you’d be hard-pressed to find a child of any age without access to at least one electronic device. In 2023, the Child Mind Institute released data showing that 42% of children have a phone by age 10. By the time they’re 14, it balloons to 91%. If you’re a parent unsure when and how to acquiesce to increased screen time, you’re not alone.
During elementary or middle school years, kids are often introduced to digital watches or phones as safety tools, offering children and parents peace of mind that they can easily reach each other when needed. But as any parent will tell you, as kids grow older, the pleas for smartphones are driven by an entirely different purpose: social media. According to the Pew Research Center, 95% of teens aged 13-17 are active on at least one platform, including TikTok, YouTube, Instagram and Snapchat.
Phone-based childhoods, as social psychologist Jonathan Haidt refers to in his 2024 book “The Anxious Generation,” began in the late 2000s, then exploded in the 2010s, coinciding with the popularity of the then new-to-the-market Apple products like iPads, iMacs and, of course, iPhones. Since then, ongoing research has continued to study how digital technology impacts child development, but it’s already proven to be a double-edged sword.
When it comes to learning, internet use from an early age isn’t necessarily a bad thing, says Abby Bernstein, LMHC, a Boca Raton-based mental health expert who treats and coaches adolescents. “The benefit is they can access information very quickly. Just like adults, if they have a question, they can get answers just by googling,” Bernstein explains.
Online homework has proven beneficial to student performance, leading to the recent passage of bipartisan laws like the Affordable Connectivity Program (ACP), which helps qualifying families with school-age children pay their internet bills. “It’s made kids more worldly,” adds Boca Raton social worker and clinical therapist Jacqueline DeVito of the Destination Wellness Group. “They’re learning more about politics and culture. I have a friend whose son asked to go see the Northern Lights. It’s like, ‘How does he know about the Northern Lights?’ So, in that sense, there’s amazing knowledge at their fingertips.”
The flip side is the concern that with so much clickable information to engross them, kids are becoming less interested in the offscreen world around them. Haidt suggests that with the decline of the “play-based childhoods” of past generations, today’s children have been missing out on the essential, real-life experiences crucial to independence-building and emotional growth.
Then there’s social media, which comes with its own set of pros and cons. “With every positive, there is a negative,” remarks Bernstein. “The great thing about social media is connection. Say a kid has an interest. They can use social media to find other people with like-minded interests from basically anywhere.” The Pew Research Center also reported that a majority of teens surveyed say social media makes them feel more accepted and connected to their friends and gives them an outlet to be creative and a place where they can turn to other users for support during difficult times.
However, research also shows that too much screen time can be highly detrimental to their mental health. The Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) found that teens who spend more than three hours a day on social media face double the risk of developing depression and anxiety.
Bernstein cites several likely causes. “They become so used to communicating behind social media posts and DMs that they don’t know how to socialize in real life, at school. Looking at other people’s filtered, edited photos and videos all day also creates hyper-comparisons with unrealistic expectations about appearance, happiness and lifestyle.” Body image is an especially fraught issue. An international 2023 study by the National Library of Medicine found a correlation between body image and eating disorders that can be directly linked to social media.
Adolescent girls are particularly vulnerable, says Haidt, noting the practice of carefully curating a photo and caption, then basing their self-worth on the number of comments and likes they receive.
In addition to the negative ways social media might cause children to view themselves, experts like DeVito believe the overexposure to short-form content (TikTok videos are limited to three minutes or less and Instagram reels only 90 seconds) is wreaking havoc on their patience and attention spans. “What it’s leading to is increased impulsivity and instant gratification because social media moves so fast. Their brains are becoming accustomed to picking up information so quickly before moving on that I feel like ADHD [Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder] is not going to be ADHD anymore — it’s just going to be the norm,” says DeVito.
Through apps and settings within the platforms designed as safeguards, parents can limit the amount of time per day their child can spend on social media, set their accounts to private, limit direct messaging and implement age-appropriate settings on the content they’re being shown.
Still, earlier this year, U.S. Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy sounded the alarm about the need for stronger protective measures. “What’s happening in social media is the equivalent of having children in cars that have no safety features and driving on roads with no speed limits, no traffic lights and no rules whatsoever,” Murthy stated.
As a result, the burden of keeping their kids safe on the internet falls on parents, who themselves are often unsure of the best approach to help their kids reap the benefits of the internet and social media without allowing it to consume them. “Parents really have to stay on top of it,” advises Bernstein. “Through my practice, I see kids being catfished; they’re not talking to who they think they are, and it’s dangerous. I’m a firm believer that if you give them an iPhone, you should be able to check it, check who they’re talking to and what they’re looking at.”
Haidt also suggests guidelines that include only giving kids flip phones, not smartphones, before high school; no social media before the age of 16; phone-free schools; a maximum of two hours of screen time outside of homework and more time spent offline.
Do everything you can to keep them engaged in the real world, recommends DeVito. “Things like family dinners, game nights or giving everyone the chance to choose a family activity, anything that gives you the opportunity to create experiences and memories. Yes, your kids may roll their eyes at first — mine did. But guess what? Now they ask for it.”
Regarding social media, she advises keeping it an open, ongoing conversation about what’s appropriate for them at what age and the reasons why. “When it comes to decisions about devices, social media and screen time, sit down with your child and try to find a way to meet in the middle that everyone feels good about. Including the child in the solution process will help make it a win-win for everyone.”
Kids And Cyberbullying
The internet offers abundant advantages but one of its most persistent and very real threats is cyberbullying, which UNICEF defines as repeated attempts to scare, anger or shame someone through digital technology like photos, videos or messages. The Child Mind Institute recommends parents keep their families vigilant in the following ways:
• Encourage them to turn off their device if someone makes them feel this way and be unashamed to tell you.
• Document the photos, videos or messages for proof.
• If you know the person doing the bullying, address their parents personally or through the school.
• If the threat is more serious or severe, go directly to the police.
Families can seek immediate help by texting HOME to 741741, the Crisis Text Line.