Marriage vows talk about ‘in sickness and health.’ The same goes for friendship, especially if a friend is undergoing cancer treatment. Whether your friend is in the hospital or getting outpatient treatment, they’ll need help, support and encouragement when they are battling the disease.
Friends of people with cancer want to help, but they typically don’t know what to do. “Your friend’s life has been turned upside down,” says Stanton F. Collemer, CEO of the Cancer Alliance of Health and Hope in Palm Beach, an organization that provides financial assistance to cancer patients undergoing chemo or radiation. “They don’t know how to react or what to say. Your friend needs you now more than ever before.”
Here are tips to help support a friend with cancer.
Reach Out
Send brief texts. Make short calls. Return messages. Tell them that you’ll reach out again and be sure to do so. “Don’t be afraid to reach out and stay in touch,” says Collemer. “They need support no matter how uncomfortable it might be.”
Visit
Schedule a visit. Days can blend when you have cancer. So, see if they want a visitor at a time that isn’t the weekend or a holiday. Just always reach out before you visit, and don’t take it personally if your friend isn’t up for visitors. Visits should be short so they can rest. Discuss your next visit so your friend can look forward to it.
Talk
You may be unsure what to say to your friend. Remember that what you say isn’t important. It’s that you’re there for your friend and can lend an ear. Let them know that you’re comfortable talking or not talking. You don’t have to respond to everything they say. Sometimes they just want someone to listen. Allow them to be grumpy, quiet or negative. “They just need someone to talk to,” says Collemer.
He also says not to pity cancer patients. “Don’t constantly say ‘I’m sorry.’” “A lot of people don’t want sympathy. They just need someone to talk to them.”
Help Out
Make their life easier. Cook dinner for them once a week. Clean their home for an hour on a weekend. Garden for them in nice weather. Purchase groceries, pick up prescriptions, visit the post office or return library books. Provide babysitting services. Collemer suggests offering to drive them to chemo, radiation or other doctor appointments.