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Looking to truly unplug this summer? Then consider weaning your kids (and yourself) off social media and texting for a week or two, whether you're on vacation or just hanging out at home.
Although it may be easier said than done, getting away from it all is about recharging your internal batteries – not recharging your devices. Vacations are about discovery, memory- making and taking a breather from everyday life. Reconnecting and deepening family ties is easier without the distraction and social isolation that accompany smartphone use, and it's important for growing children.
"Adolescence is a key time for developing social skills; as teens spend less time with their friends face-to-face, they have fewer opportunities to practice them," writes Jean M. Twenge, a professor of psychology at San Diego State University, in The Atlantic. "In the next decade, we may see more adults who know just the right emoji for a situation, but not the right facial expression."
Moderating use of tech devices is important for kids' health and well-being not only during vacation but "especially in times where you're planning to spend time together as a family unit," says Dr. Elizabeth Villares of Florida Atlantic University.
Dr. Villares, whose particular interest is technology, has been a teacher, a school counselor and a guidance director at the secondary level for more than 20 years. She is an associate professor and a Ph.D. coordinator of the department of counselor education at FAU. Her areas of specialization include counseling children and adolescents and integrating technology into school counseling.
She's also the mother of a 4-year-old.
"One of the things that new generations are struggling with is finding ways to make those strong connections with live beings, making sure they know how to behave in public situations," she says. "How do you ask for something from a family member or a friend? How do you internalize feedback and change your behavior? Those things are invaluable experiences that individuals have to learn in the context with real situations.
"Throughout the year, and especially during when we have family vacation, we need to be able to make connections. It reinforces those memories with one another, because that's how we feel that sense of connection to our families and also with the environment around us."
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Plan Ahead
With advance planning, it's possible to get the kids onboard your tech-free agenda. Encouraging them to invest in the plan is key. Let children know you're planning to go without devices during the vacation, and get their input.
"Parents have to decide – or the family, depending on the ages of the children – what they're going to replace that technology with," Dr. Villares says. "If you don't have a plan in place, you're going to find your good intentions may fall to pieces. That experience you were hoping for may not pan out."
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Beat Boredom
It's easy to whip out an iPad or a phone when kids get restless in a restaurant or cranky on a long car ride.
"A lot of parents get a little apprehensive thinking that their children are going to get bored," Dr. Villares says. "It's important to think what kids can do in those down periods without filling in the gap with technology."
Incorporate kids' suggestions on what activities they would like to do when they're bored if they can't use tech devices.
Create a "bored bag," she suggests. Write a children's activity on a piece of paper or on a popsicle stick, and put a bunch of them in a bag. Kids then get to pull out a stick or a paper listing an activity.
"Have them solve math problems, journal, write a letter to a family member or friend and mail it, create a craft or Lego activity, go outside and play for a certain amount of time, play a board game, complete a fitness activity – anything that is suited to your children," Dr. Villares explains.
Parents need to take the focus off themselves for meeting the child's entertainment needs, she says.
"The child is already thinking that there are things I can do not related to tech. What it does over time, the child relies less on parents to help them not be bored, and they immediately turn to some of the activities or strategies that worked for them when they were bored last. You'll see that frequency of 'I'm bored' start to go down."
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Negotiating Room
Setting a goal as a family is just that – a goal. Nobody's perfect.
"Start working on limiting technology before you go. Otherwise, if they had full access to all sorts of technology, and now they're going on this trip, there's clearly going to be some withdrawal and some resistance," Dr. Villares says. "If you start building in getting away from technology, it will make for a smoother ride."
Having a "dress rehearsal" is helpful, she says. Get the kids to try something new or improve their performance in another area, and have them practice those skills for you every day during the summer.
"That attention-seeking opportunity and spotlighting what the child is working on gives the family practice to spend time together away from technology," Dr. Villares says.
There's room for negotiation, but "plan that in, and make it a win-win for both sides. Another really important item is that adults have to model and abide by the same rules," she says.
Before leaving home, let kids know that there may be limited access to Wi-Fi and data use on vacation. If it becomes necessary, set up a "screen time" limit, perhaps 30 minutes per day, depending on the child.
"That's a reasonable request," Dr. Villares says. "Make sure there's positive behavior attached to that tech time."
If the family needs a phone or a device during vacation, spread the tech around, she advises. For example, let the kids be in charge of the GPS. Hopefully, it'll make for a less bumpy ride for the whole family. O