Their biological clocks may be ticking, but the millennial generation has hit the snooze alarm.
Many in this group, born between 1980 and 1995 and now ages 25 to 40, aren’t quite ready for children – and some don’t plan to have them at all.
Statistics paint a starker picture: The lowest birth rate for the nation in 32 years was reported by the CDC recently. And a recent Pew Research Center study found that millennials are marrying and starting families later than previous generations; only about 46 percent of those ages 25 to 37 are married.
But what’s behind this new childless trend? Like many things in life, it’s complicated.
Money Matters
One of the biggest factors for millennials going child-free is financial instability. The 2008 recession had a hugely negative impact on these young adults, when many were graduating from college and looking for jobs. Saddled with student loan debt and struggling to find a foothold financially during the blossoming gig economy, these “emerging adults,” a term coined in 2000 by Dr. Jeffrey Jensen Arnett of Clark University, often had to live at home with their parents. Although the economy has recovered, many are still struggling to establish and maintain meaningful careers and accumulate enough wealth to achieve milestones like buying a home or getting married.
Erika Martinez, Psy.D. – herself a millennial at age 36 – believes that her generation’s singular set of challenges has simply served to delay parenthood.
“It’s not that they purposefully set out not to have children. It always has been true that certain people don’t want kids. It’s true for every generation,” says Dr. Martinez, a licensed psychologist and a certified educator with a practice serving Miami and surrounding areas. “I think millennials face unique situations in our current social-political climate. Very specific things are happening that contribute to the ability to have kids in good conscience.”
Many young adults are concerned that, if they were to have children, they wouldn’t be able to provide a stable environment for them, she says.
“They have student loans. They’re still not married. They’re struggling with dating. They want to buy a house first. They want to feel settled. That hasn’t happened yet for millennials.”
Area Impact
For South Florida residents, economic factors are more significant than in other parts of the country, Dr. Martinez says. Wages haven’t kept pace with the high cost of living here.
“Young people in South Florida are struggling to hit these developmental milestones,” she says. “For people already in relationships, they’re finding it very difficult to make ends meet. They’re struggling to find a way to afford to have children. Some people are living at home with their families so they can save up money to [secure] their own space before having kids.”
Research by real estate website Zillow backs this up: “It takes longer for young adults in more expensive places to live on their own,” it reports. For more affordable metro markets, 24 is the average age when one can afford to live alone. But “it’s 29 in pricey coastal metros like Los Angeles and Miami.”
To make matters worse, South Florida’s largest job sector, tourism and hospitality, pays the lowest wages in the country, according to the Miami New Times.
Free To Be
Clearly, today’s millennials have a lot on their minds. A 2018 New York Times survey noted the myriad reasons respondents gave for remaining child-free. Among them were wanting leisure time; not having a partner; focusing on careers; lacking money for childcare; and worrying about the political climate, the environment and population growth.
Millennials we talked to locally and around the country echoed these concerns.
Claire*, 30, of Delray Beach, feels that she’s comfortable financially, working as a creative professional, but she never felt the drive to be a mother, she says. Even growing up, she was aware that she was different in that aspect. Although she hasn’t ruled out having children completely, she’s pretty sure it’s not in the cards for her, she says.
“I have a lot of other goals financially and want to travel the world. I want my time to be my own.”
She also wants to pay off her student loan debt, grow her investments and save for big-ticket items like a home.
Claire isn’t in a relationship at the moment. As for finding a life partner, she says it’s a goal, but it doesn’t dominate her life: “There are other more important things.”
If she met someone who really wanted children, that would be a red flag for compatibility, she says.
“But, if I did meet someone who had children, I would be open to being a step-parent.”
Kwame*, 29, lives in Minneapolis, where he’s an IT specialist and serves as a sergeant in the U.S. Army Reserves. He’s financially stable but has decided he doesn’t want to become a parent.
“I want to travel and do things,” he says. “Once you have children, your life is on hold.”
Although he’s not in a steady relationship, he wants to find someone on the same wavelength.
Jesse Posco, 38, and his wife, Jessica, 37, are certainly on that same wavelength. The residents of Worcester County, Massachusetts, have been together six years and married for a year and a half. Jesse has a high-level IT job at a hospital and Jessica is a senior sales manager for a global toy company. They own a home and are doing well financially.
“We both work very high-pressure, high-stress jobs,” says Jesse. “It would be difficult to dedicate full attention to a child after such a day. Neither of us have the primal drive to care for or raise a child. It’s just not there.”
They cherish their free time, love to travel, dote on their two pugs, and enjoying investing time and money in various hobbies.
“I don’t think Jessica or I could be happy splitting our time with a child in our lives,” he says. “I think not having children gives us the freedom to choose what we do with our time, and, honestly, that’s what is important to us. We can literally accomplish anything we want – we have the time, means and ability.”
Spending time with their nieces and nephews satisfies their need for child interaction, Jesse says: “We are trying to form a strong bond with all of them so that we can always have them as a part of our lives.”
The Psychological Side
The way millennials themselves were raised may also have an impact on their views of parenthood, says Dr. Martinez. Parenting in the 1980s and beyond, when the term “helicopter parent” entered the lexicon, put a huge emphasis on a child’s self-esteem.
“Everybody got a trophy,” she says. “It has been difficult for [millennials] to enter the adult world because they weren’t necessarily equipped with skills to face challenges. They weren’t allowed to fail.
There was always a net to catch them. We need adversity; then you learn the skill to pick yourself up and start again.”
Because of this, many millennials experience emotional issues, such as the inability to self-soothe when stressors arise, she says.
“A lot of them realize they struggle with these things. They don’t want to have kids because they themselves don’t feel like grownups yet.”
Plus, growing up as the most “disconnected connected” generation – thanks to video games, the internet, social media and other technologies – has affected millennials’ social skills and the ability to find a partner, says Dr. Martinez.
“If you’re interacting with a computer, you’re not interacting with human beings. They know how to connect online and can interface with a computer, but a lot of them are not that great socially. They don’t pick up on social cues.”
The result? Many remain single and far from being prepared for parenthood.
A Changing World
Something to keep in mind is that current birth-rate statistics may not reflect the segment of the millennial population that identifies as queer or gender questioning, Dr. Martinez says. This generation is “significantly more likely than older generations to identify as LGBTQ,” according to a Harris poll on behalf of GLAAD. As such, some may not be giving birth but may still want a family through alternative methods, such as adoption or surrogacy.
Last year, millennial Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez caused a stir by questioning on Instagram whether it’s ethical to have children in the face of climate change. While Claire says this has no bearing on her decision not to have kids, Kwame says, “I cannot imagine raising a child in 2020,” noting that the climate change threat as well as the polarized political landscape are compelling arguments.
Kwame, who is black, adds: “Another reason for not having children is the difficulty of raising black kids in the climate of police brutality and racial tensions.”
As for the Poscos?
“Climate change isn’t the defining factor, but it’s also a scary world climate, and I’m not sure what the future holds for the stability of the USA,” says Jesse. “It certainly is something that has been on my mind for my nieces and nephews.”
Better Late?
While birth rates have declined for all age groups under 35, the number of births actually rose for women in their late 30s and early 40s. As late-blooming millennials move into early middle age and assistance from reproductive technology becomes more advanced and more commonplace, this trend will likely continue.
On The Horizon
By now you’re probably wondering: If the birth rate continues at the current level or drops even more, what does that mean for our society? It’s not time to panic – yet – sociologist Karen Benjamin Guzzo, Ph.D., told InStyle.
“I don’t think we’re at the crisis point yet. I think we have a few more years before we really have to start to worry in terms of the long-term effects for our population.” O
*Some names were changed to protect privacy.