If you feel your friendship circle has gotten smaller over the years, you aren’t alone. A May 2021 poll from the Survey Center on American Life, found that American men who view themselves as having “no close friends,” has quadrupled over the past 30 years, increasing from 3% in 1990 to 15% in 2021.
As we get older, making new friends can prove to be challenging. We no longer have the luxury of making friends during recess and let’s face it, in a busy world, making and keeping friends takes work.
Yet, while it’s slightly more difficult to forge new friendships as an adult, it’s not impossible, says Geoffrey Greif, a professor at the University of Maryland School of Social Work and author of “Buddy System: Understanding Male Friendships.”
“While women have face-to-face friendships, men tend to have shoulder-to-shoulder friendships,” Greif says. “Typically, men tend to feel more comfortable interacting with other men around activities like sports or watching a football game, whereas women often feel more comfortable meeting at a restaurant with friends where they can talk without interruptions.”
Friendships also have benefits that go beyond camaraderie, notes Greif, who comments that studies show in general, men with more friendships lead healthier lives. The Mayo Clinic says friendships can boost happiness, reduce stress, help you cope with traumas such as divorce, illness, job loss or the death of a loved one and encourage you to change or avoid unhealthy lifestyle habits such as lack of exercise. In addition, those with a circle of friends show a reduced risk of depression, high blood pressure and an unhealthy body mass index (BMI).
And as we get older, friends take on an even greater importance, with both depression and anxiety linked to isolation. The good news is studies show that it’s the quality of friendships, not the quantity, that serve to improve well-being.
Activities: The Best Places To Meet New Friends
So, how do you make friends as an adult? Greif says men like to hang out with those who share similar interests as well as their perceived level of masculinity.
“Chess players like to hang out with other chess players, while guys who enjoy football feel more comfortable spending time with those who are football fans,” Greif says. “Most men want to have a circle of good friends, but don’t know how to go about making them.”
Greif says men also need to get comfortable reaching out to others.
“Most men feel very comfortable reaching out to women and asking them to get together, but they aren’t socialized to go after other men in the same way,” he says. “Men don’t want to come across as needy.”
He breaks male friendships down into four categories: rust friends, must friends, trust friends and just friends.
“Rust friends are those friends you’ve known for most of your life and can pick up right where you left off even after not seeing them for several years, while must friends are your best friends, those you can count on during hard times,” Greif says. “Trust friends are those you feel comfortable with and are glad to see and might be closer to if given the opportunity. Just friends are those you run into on certain occasions, maybe at the gym or your child’s school.”
Despite their differences, Greif says all categories of friends can add something to your life and that finding local activities with like-minded people can be as easy as joining a business networking group, a sports league or hobby group.
“Participate in an activity you enjoy and strike up a conversation with other men,” Greif says. “Even if you don’t immediately make new friends, you’re having fun.”
Meetup.com offers many activity groups where men can make new friends. Among the offerings: beach volleyball, soccer, snorkeling, motorcycle riding, outdoor adventures (hiking, backpacking), sailing, boating and even a new Broward Men’s Club To Meet Friends Group. Meetup groups are free to join and drop-ins are welcome. There are also social groups on Meetup for different cultures, races, ages and those who are part of the LGBTQ community.
The Runner’s Edge Foundation in Boca Raton hosts 20+ races and events each year. To participate in upcoming races, visit runnersedgeboca.com.
Have you heard about the growing sport of pickleball that combines tennis, ping pong and badminton? Learn where you can take lessons, join events and find pickleball partners near you through The Global Pickleball Network.
Through volunteermatch.org and handsonbroward.org, you can make friends while also supporting a good cause in South Florida. Help with animal care and dog walking at We Love Animals Rescue, volunteer to help with the National Senior Games, being held throughout Broward County on May 10-23 and more.
There’s An App For That
“There are a number of apps that make it even easier to form connections and friendships,” says Adam Smiley Poswolsky, an internationally renowned motivational speaker on fostering belonging and human connection in a hybrid workforce and best-selling author of three books including “Friendship in the Age of Loneliness.”
Poswolsky notes that over the past 20 years, there’s been a shift in how we socialize.
“We used to have bowling leagues, we used to meet up with people at the local church or town hall or the Elks Club, where you would just see people regularly and talk,” he says.
Now much of that socializing is done online through sites such as Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and other social media sites. And while that can be a good way to keep in touch, it doesn’t replace in-person interactions.
Poswolsky says that while technology can contribute to your well-being, it shouldn’t be the end place. Instead, utilize sites to bolster real-life connections.
“Nextdoor.com allows you to make friends with people in your neighborhood and eventbrite.com shows events, concerts and classes near you,” Poswolsky says.
In addition, the popular dating site bumble.com has a Bumble BFF app that allows users to meet friends with similar interests. Barkhappy.com is for dog owners and their dogs. Meet other dog owners nearby, attend dog friendly events and more.
But while apps can be useful, Poswolsky says spending too much time online can be counterintuitive to making friends.
“The ability to connect with like-minded people using technology is wonderful,” he says. “However, we need to be more mindful of how we use it. Only when we use it as a facilitator, can it enable us to create or nurture friendships.”
Maintaining New Friendships
Just like in dating, Poswolsky says when you meet a new friend who piques your interest, make plans to ensure you get together again.
“Be proactive,” Poswolsky says. “If you meet someone interesting at a gym or event, let them know! Tell them you’re interested in getting to know them and invite them to hang out again sometime.”
If you feel more comfortable in a group setting, Poswolsky recommends hosting a casual barbecue where you invite people you’ve recently met and want to get to know better.
“Plus, you’re building community as your other friends will also get to meet each other,” he says.
Also, keep in mind that friendships don’t form overnight.
“Friends are made over time, so rather than attending a one-off event, a 4-week or even a 6-month online or in-person workshop offered through your local recreation center or another group is a great way to meet new people while also learning a new craft or skill,” Poswolsky says.
Once you’ve secured new friends, it’s also important to make the time to stay in contact and get together. Maybe that means a weekly or monthly pick-up football game or buying tickets in advance to a couple of Miami Marlins games.
Whether meeting a group of guys who share a love for the Florida Gators or a buddy that enjoys checking out South Florida’s microbreweries, making new friends can enhance our lives while also offering us a different way of looking at the world.
