From movies to songs to society in general, we’re told we should be beaming with happiness during the holidays. You feel pressure to make your holidays look and feel a certain way — namely, perfect.
If you’re grieving, the holidays can feel anything but festive. “It’s a hard time of year because the world is giving the impression that we should be happy, blissful and joyful,” says Suzanne Wachtel, LCSW, who runs a concierge practice in Boca Raton and authored “Losing a Loved One: From Grief to Joy.” “When you lose a loved one, you particularly feel their absence this time of year. You miss them so much more,” she adds.
Follow these tips to help you handle your grief. If you’re feeling especially overwhelmed, get help from a grief counselor or support group.
Make Your Loved One Part Of The Celebration
Put an extra gift under the tree. Make your loved one’s holiday recipe. Watch their favorite movie. “Keeping their memory alive helps keep the relationship going,” says Wachtel.
Acknowledge Your Feelings
Most of us are uneasy around the topic of death. It’s an inevitable part of life, unfortunately. That’s why you should feel comfortable talking about the person who passed. Don’t pretend you’re fine or bottle up your emotions. Feelings may be unpredictable and that’s okay. “Adjust to life without [your loved one] by including them in your thoughts and memories,” she says.
Share Your Emotions
Talk about the person who passed. Share stories with others who miss them. At your holiday dinner, discuss what foods they’d be enjoying, says Wachtel. “Keeping their memory alive is part of the healing process,” she explains. “Just because someone is not attending a gathering does not mean that their memory or presence are not important. Creating a way to incorporate your loved one into your celebrations is actually very healthy and a lovely way to honor their importance.”
Grieve Your Way
Grieving doesn’t have to be done in a particular way. Do what’s most comfortable for you and on your own timeline. If you want, scale back or cancel the holidays. You don’t have to meet anyone’s expectations. “Grieving has no right or wrong,” says Wachtel.
Don’t Isolate
When Wachtel lost her son 10 years ago, she formed a grief support group for mothers in the same situation. “Most people can’t imagine what it’s like to lose a child,” she says. “These people are going through something similar, so they understand.”
Remember Yourself
It’s easy to forget your own needs at the holidays when you’re grieving. Take care of yourself. Get enough sleep. Take a walk or practice yoga. Indulge in a bowl of ice cream if that makes you happy. “Do whatever makes you feel good,” says Wachtel. “It’s not a time to deny yourself.”