After “mama” and “dada,” “no” is often a baby’s next word. It’s simple and easy to say no matter what your age. Still, it can be hard for adults to say no.
It makes you feel guilty, awkward and wrong when you say no to something that people ask or request of you. “Because of how so many of us were raised — to be compliant — people become anxious when saying no,” says Jill Bershad, a licensed mental health counselor in Boca Raton. “They believe there could be consequences such as the other person withholding love, becoming mad at us or ending the relationship.” However, saying no can help you reclaim confidence, time, control, respect and energy. “‘No’ is a complete sentence,” says Bershad. “By saying yes all the time, we become rundown physically and mentally.” She says symptoms often arise as stomach issues, headaches and tension and can lead to sleep issues, addiction and compromised immune systems. “People don’t want to disappoint others. They say yes when they really want to say no. By doing so, we’re neglecting our own wants and needs.”
You can learn to say no regardless of how challenging it may feel to do so. Here are some benefits to saying no.
It Sets Boundaries
Sometimes, saying yes prevents you from doing what’s important to you. For example, if helping at your neighbor’s 8 a.m. garage sale means you can’t train for an upcoming race. By creating boundaries, you’ll be in less uncomfortable situations with those who want you to give more of yourself. Bershad says that setting boundaries with ourselves is equally important. “Sometimes we want to say yes to an invitation, but really what we need is to stay home and put our feet up,” she says. “It’s all about balance.”
It Makes Your Time Valuable
When you say no, you’re saying that your time is crucial. For example, you can say, “No, I can’t man the football snack stand at 5 p.m., I have a work event.” When saying no in this manner, people will come to you when they really need help and not make you the constant go-to. “Nobody knows better than you when it comes to what you need,” says Bershad. “We must take care of ourselves to live our best lives.”
It Lets Us Rest
Saying yes can make you feel more tired or burnt out. (Decorating those homemade bake sale cupcakes is time-consuming!). Don’t feel guilty for taking a break. “People don’t understand the health benefits of rest. We must do better at just being,” says Bershad. “By not saying no, we’re left feeling depleted and less effective.”